Turn around.

Around 3pm today I took off on the bike. No destination, no plan, just needing to get out.

I woke up this morning at 4am, fretting about things I have no control over but will inevitably affect my life. Does fretting about it solve anything? Not really. Though I did come up with an action I could take, somewhat relieving The Fret. I fell back asleep, waking up much after my alarm went of and was ignored, my day in a jumble. Everything felt off today. Just slightly out of place, like a picture on a wall that you think is slightly crooked so you keep adjusting it, a little to the left, a little to the right but you can’t seem to get it straight.

I headed up Laurel Canyon, it was filled with traffic. I didn’t mind. It gave me a chance to look at all the houses, the new scenery (everything is new scenery right now).  Sick of traffic, I headed west on Mulholland.  Free of traffic, but full of sun glare. Tight corners and on coming traffic to my left and a steep drop off to my right. Unable to enjoy the road due to intermittent sun blindness, I feel myself getting frustrated again. Then the obvious occurs to me: ” Nothing has tied you to this path, why don’t you go the other way? No sun. No traffic. Problem solved”.  So obvious. At the next intersection, I turned around and headed back the other way, enjoying each turn, each lean, zen-ing out for a few short but cherished miles.

I have a bad habit of continuing down a path, even after it’s obvious it’s not working, solely because it’s the path I decided to take – not because anything, person or logic is keeping me there. I’m stubborn and I’m scared of being “wrong” so I keep on, hoping I can make it work, no matter how hard or frustrating.  The smarter thing would be to change paths and find something that works better, has less resistance and still leads me to my goal.

Thanks motorcycle.