Turn around.
Around 3pm today I took off on the bike. No destination, no plan, just needing to get out.
I woke up this morning at 4am, fretting about things I have no control over but will inevitably affect my life. Does fretting about it solve anything? Not really. Though I did come up with an action I could take, somewhat relieving The Fret. I fell back asleep, waking up much after my alarm went of and was ignored, my day in a jumble. Everything felt off today. Just slightly out of place, like a picture on a wall that you think is slightly crooked so you keep adjusting it, a little to the left, a little to the right but you can’t seem to get it straight.
I headed up Laurel Canyon, it was filled with traffic. I didn’t mind. It gave me a chance to look at all the houses, the new scenery (everything is new scenery right now). Sick of traffic, I headed west on Mulholland. Free of traffic, but full of sun glare. Tight corners and on coming traffic to my left and a steep drop off to my right. Unable to enjoy the road due to intermittent sun blindness, I feel myself getting frustrated again. Then the obvious occurs to me: ” Nothing has tied you to this path, why don’t you go the other way? No sun. No traffic. Problem solved”. So obvious. At the next intersection, I turned around and headed back the other way, enjoying each turn, each lean, zen-ing out for a few short but cherished miles.
I have a bad habit of continuing down a path, even after it’s obvious it’s not working, solely because it’s the path I decided to take – not because anything, person or logic is keeping me there. I’m stubborn and I’m scared of being “wrong” so I keep on, hoping I can make it work, no matter how hard or frustrating. The smarter thing would be to change paths and find something that works better, has less resistance and still leads me to my goal.
Thanks motorcycle.
Biscuits.
Week 29. Buttermilk Biscuits.
There’s a sign that’s in nearly every tattoo parlor I’ve ever been. It reads “Good tattoos aren’t cheap, and cheap tattoos aren’t good”. I think the same goes for baking. You can do something fast, or you can do something well. That isn’t to say there aren’t quick recipes (a good pie crust comes together in less than 5 minutes), just that the quick or easy versions usually aren’t good as the ones that you spend a bit more time on. Ready made vs. home made. Given the choice, I’ll make a pie crust rather than buy a frozen one. I’ll bake a cake from scratch rather than use a box mix (though you’ll never catch me turning down a slice of funfetti cake, no siree!). As with most crafted things, the extra effort at the beginning returns much larger rewards in the final product.
One of the big reasons I started this project was to improve on my skills. As with most things, a solid foundation allows you to build great things. It’s important to me to learn how to make the simplest things, really, really well. Pie dough. Chocolate Chip Cookies. Vanilla Cake. Chocolate Cake. Pastry Cream. Biscuits.
This was my second batch of biscuits in a week. The first batch…failed. They were deemed* suitable as a butter and jam delivery system, for which they were deployed, however they were not the fluffy flaky biscuits I was aiming for. This batch, round two, was a much more successful. A better rise, better flake, better flavor. I used Dorie Greenspan’s recipe from “Baking: From My Home to Yours“. So far not my favorite recipe of hers, but I’d give it another shot.
*Disclaimer. My main test subject is RMT. Mentioned before in this blog, he’s of Southern origin and is well versed in all things fried, biscuit and pecan pie. I questioned my sanity for even attempting to make these and have him eat them…I mean am I ever going to measure up to Granny’s biscuits? Not a chance. Can I come close? That’s the plan.
heart.
At the end of the day, I am the only one I must answer to. This is true for all of us.
Whether we are happy, miserable, tired, energized, fat, fit, content, or longing we have ourselves to thank.
Today was an exercise in remembering that.
How I spent my time, who I spent it with, what I spent it doing. Who to rely on. Who to listen to.
All those decisions, as they are every day, were mine to make.
So, I chose to spend today doing my two favorite things: motorcycling and baking. On my own.
It was a very good choice.
Some days, I choose poorly. I spent a great deal of last year making poor decisions that ultimately led to a very unhappy girl, at a breaking point with, what felt like, very little power to change. I felt like I had spent so much time and energy investing in what I thought were emotionally healthy investments, except when I went to check on my investments, I found them drained, beaten, and forsaken.
Luckily, I have some very smart friends, one of whom reminded me that yes, I’d gotten myself in my current situation, but I could also get myself out.
We sat on my couch, and for the next few hours, talked about how I was going to change my life and my decision-making.
Since then, I’ve been making better choices. Choices guided by what I do best, by love, where I want to go, and ultimately, what will make me happier.
Because, at the end of the day, I still have to answer to me; that conversation is a lot more fun if I’m happy.
On Motorcycling
Motorcycling has brought me and taught me many things. I’ve found: confidence, my sense of self, boyfriend(s), responsibility, new friendships, knowledge, patience, adventure, glimpses of my own mortality, loss, heartache and unending joy. When I started riding, I had no idea of the scope of emotions, responsibilities and experiences that came with that motorcycle. I thought it was going to be great fun, a new skill to learn, and, if we’re going to be honest, probably garner me some attention from the opposite sex*.
Even though I have thousands of miles behind me, I still feel like a new rider. I’m learning and improving every time I get on the bike. I make mistakes. I ride harder. My technical ability improves. My confidence improves. Every once in awhile I scare myself.
I don’t feel like a new rider in that I’m not comfortable on my bike, or in traffic or on the freeway or in poor weather. I feel like a new rider in the sense that there is a whole world of things for me still to learn. There is so much room for growth, improvement and expansion of my skills. I ride a sport bike of medium size. I want to learn to ride in the dirt. I want a larger bike more suited to long-distance touring. I want to go on thousands-of-miles trips through other countries, across continents. I feel like I’ve just started on a journey with no set route and thousands of miles to go.
I knew I was going to like motorcycling. I had no idea how much I would fall in love with it or of all the ways in which it would change my life. How it would make me take part in activities or challenge myself in ways I wouldn’t have done pre-motorcycle. I can no longer imagine a life without motorcycles.
I started this project after a little over a year and a half of riding. The same time period also brought a geographic move, a lot of growth, and a good dose of heartache. This project is a way for me to remember everything I’ve learned, how I’ve changed, what I’m still learning, how I’m growing and as a means to heal.
There will be good stories. There will be bad. It’s a learning process, hopefully with pictures.
*I was right in that. What I didn’t realize at the time was that 95% of that attention is very much unwanted.
motobaker 